What I KNOW

I have been thinking a lot lately....about things known & unknown. About plans, my future. In less than a year's time, my life is going to change drastically. Yes, I have already had two huge moves, I have attempted to learn two new languages, figure out multiple cultures, I have sent two children off to college & have had long separations. I have had so much change in my life. You might think I would be prepared or at least at peace about what is to come? But I am feeling more anxious about this change than the others or maybe my memory is just failing me? Maybe, I just can't imagine life not being the same as it is today?

Boy, I guess I like predictability more than I thought? I like a plan, to KNOW what is going on. I like the familiar. I was pleading with God the other day, just to give me a glimpse. And he gently reminded me to focus on what I KNOW.  He is good. He is faithful. He loves me. He knows my future & has a plan. These may sound cliche, but they are real & deep truths. He has never failed me. Has he always given me what I want or what I am asking for? NOPE. But his plans have exceeded my plans & have put me on a path that did not look like any plan that my mind could dream up. Am I blessed? YES, beyond measure. Life is extremely good.

I am not sure what I am even trying to say? I go between feeling complete enthusiasm & exhilaration of what might be coming & fear of the same things. It can even change day to day. Really, I am not as confused as it might appear. I just know that right now, there is so much I do NOT know but there is also so much that I DO! Most days, I would tell you that I embrace change & even like it. Thank you for letting me try to work it out here, writing about it. I have been wrestling with this entry for a couple of weeks now.

A friend invited me to one of those FB challenges of black & white pictures, I have really enjoyed it. I have been surprised how much I like it. Why? I like the change of perspective. Black & white changes the picture enough that you are focusing on different things; lines, textures, shading. Maybe it seems to make the shot more crisp & clear. Hmmm, that is how I want my future plans...but, do I? Check out some of my  black & white shots.

I got to thinking about a world lacking color is missing great things too. There is so much life in color. So many choices, variations. I am thankful for a God that gives us our free will & gives us choices. I am learning so much about trusting & true security in the Lord. Learning to let go of expectations & freeing myself be creative & to dream a bit. Learning what I tell many of our patients at the hospital..."It is going to be alright, but there may be some pain or even a good bit of pain." It is the truth, there is pain in life no matter how you slice it. These next months will be full of all types of emotion & there will be pain. But I need to follow my own advice, I will be okay.

Both perspectives are great, I am learning to enjoy the balance of the knowns & unknowns. I have many many moments to live before I need to know the next steps & plans in life. So now, I will focus on the many truths that I know. I am fully alive, living in a world full of color & choices. I am  loved by a God who is the same yesterday, today & forever. It is so amazing that a God who is so constant weaves each path, plan & life so uniquely. That is something truly wonderful.